Monday, November 14, 2005

The War on Christmas: Bombing Begins in Christmastown Tonight after Sundown

Ground invasion to follow. I hear they’re armor plating the reindeer as I write this.

Bill O’Reilly, in his own inimical fashion, has started us down the road of this year’s War on Christmas, preferring to break out the eggnog and ammo early. I predicted this a few weeks ago, if you recall. Anyway, here’s what Bill had to say…

O'REILLY: See, I think you're, I think you're crazy. And here's why. I think the backlash against stores that don't say "Merry Christmas" is enormous because now people are aware of the issue. There's going to be -- it's like the third or fourth year that we've reported it. I know everybody's hypersensitive about are they going to say "Merry Christmas"? Are they going to say "Happy Holidays"? What are they going to say? Are there decorations that say "Merry Christmas"? They're hypersensitive. And when you walk into a secular environment, most Christians are looking around, and they're really aware of it. Now, the other thing is, I don't believe most people who aren't Christian are offended by the words "Merry Christmas." I think those people are nuts. I think you're crazy if you're offended by the words "Merry Christmas."

NULMAN: "Season's Greetings" and "Happy Holidays," Bill, does not offend Christians.

O'REILLY: Yes, it does. It absolutely does. And I know that for a fact. But the smart way to do it is "Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Season's Greetings, Happy Kwanzaa."

Hey Bill, you ever think those stores don't want to offend anyone of a different faith, because every – not just Christian – but EVERY customer is important to them?

Oh, and John Gibson was not to be beaten. From XK on the Something Awful forums:

“Fox had John Gibson on talking about this subject. He cited a story about someone writing into Walmart asking why they say "happy holidays" instead of "merry christmas", and the Walmart representative responded with information about Christmas being derived from a pagan celebration and how a bunch of different elements of Christmas came from various ancient groups and religions.

Apparently that representative got fired for the response, and John Gibson and his guest were having a circle-jerk over how ridiculous it was to say Christmas had anything to do with pagans or any other religions, and that retailers should focus on making Christians feel comfortable and not worry about anybody else. I felt like I was watching some sort of bizarro sketch comedy show.”

Do you see what you people are forcing?? DO YOU SEE?

War on Christmas Wages; North Pole Compound Under Siege

SPRINGDALE, AR- Emboldened by a handful of recent victories including the ousting of Intelligent Design advocates from the Dover, Pennsylvania, school board, the shadowy forces secularism appear to have set their sights on the figure at the center of modern Christianity: Santa Claus himself. Late last week Fox News reported that greeters at Wal-Mart have been instructed not to wish shoppers a "Merry Christmas" this holiday season. Although the order was quickly rescinded, the damage had already been done. The War on Christmas had begun in earnest.

In much the same way that terrorists coordinate attacks in rapid succession for maximum effect, the unseen foes of America's founding faith quickly regrouped for another assault. Sunday evening FNC broke into its regularly scheduled Breaking News interruption to announce reports of sporadic gunfire at the North Pole. The network broadcast a grainy green-and-white feed of the snowy, featureless landscape well into the night. Although the image appeared not to change from moment to moment, several viewers called in claiming to have seen muzzle flashes in the darkness.

Incensed by the brazen attack, concerned citizens pleaded with President Bush to dispatch an elite Special Forces team to secure the workshop, save Christmas, and root out the secular rebels. Bush reluctantly explained that, unlike the other 90% of the earth's surface, the North Pole does not belong to the United States, and until people there request help his hands are tied.

The lack of any reports of violence from the region has only intensified concerns and supported the rumor that Claus may already be dead. With this in mind, the Commander in Chief took it upon himself to reassure the nation's children.

"Don't you worry about Saint Nick, folks," said Bush. "As an ex-Marine, he knows more than three dozen ways to kill a naughty person with nothing more than his bare hands and a pencil. He'll be fine. Besides, the real War on Christmas is being fought right here at home."

Won’t someone think of the children?

Posted by crimnos @ 8:26 AM

Read or Post a Comment

It's so ridiculous it almost can't be believed! On the flipside, my own MIL insists on sending out "Happy Holidays" cards instead of Christmas cards, even though EVERYONE on her mailing list does in fact celebrate Christmas. She's been led to believe that "liberals" have made saying "Merry Christmas" verboten. So she says "Happy Holidays" to everyone, followed by an exaggerated eye roll and maybe a comment about how "you just can't say 'Christmas' anymore..."

Posted by Blogger alice_pants @ 3:18 PM #

It's all O'Reilly has left.

The war he supported has turned to crap. The president he supported has turned to crap.

He greenlighted an Al Qaeda attack vs. San Francisco.

And he doesn't really seem one to admit a mistake.

So, what's left?

Look! Over there! Not at me, Over there! Someone's attacking your Christmas!

Posted by Blogger mikevotes @ 6:47 PM #

I heard about this advertising scheme on a another blog, that gives away free computers. It sounded like a scam, but after I googled it, it was legitmiate. You have to sign up for an offer from one the sponser companies. I did a free trial one. Here's the link, check it out.
Mac Mini

Posted by Blogger jane @ 6:58 PM #

Fox News and O'Reilly are nothing but a partisan fear factory of bigotry, blame and hate.

Posted by Blogger Jessica @ 1:28 PM #
<< Home